ok so i talked to mone over the weekend and we both agreed that we should back off a bit. He was getting to the point where he was considering not going on his mission because he wanted to be with me! and ok fair enough we would make a really good pair, hahaha we're eachothers' walking "checklists" if you know what i mean, but he HAS to go on his mission. and he was like crying on the phone with me last night... i was like  when i heard him. because he was getting to the point of loving me even. i was fully amazed by that.

anyways, im going to the snow this weekend well friday night/saturday with mum. which with be FUN as... ive never been!! when i was living in albury, the lady that owned the house that we lived and mum got to be good friends and she owns ski lodges in falls creek, which gets HEAPS of snow usually... i went once before actually but i was like 3 or something and i can barely remember it.. the memories are pretty fuzzy lol.

AND i may be going to New Zealand for a wedding at the end of october!!! thats in like a month and a half.... so i want to loose weight for that!! kisi's cousin's getting married and he's going to be the best man there, but he asked me if i wanted to go and i was like HELL YEAH!!! hahaha i KNOW he's my ex, but ive never been to NZ before so that would be a really good opportunity. AND im not working that weekend either!! so im going to knuckle down and LOOSE SOME WEIGHT!!

mum got into her juicer yesterday lol its only been sitting there for like a year and a half now =P but im excited because i can go on juice fasts now

anyways better get into some work!! comment everyone later!!

if only......

a month and a half BABY!!!

DAMMIT. i REALLY dont want to go out tonight. well im not going OUT out. im meeting up with one of the guys that likes me. to make out pretty much. but a) i cant be bothered and b) i'd rather be dancing. theres a dancer's conditioning class that starts at 6 tonight which im going to TRY and get to but depending on traffic i might not make it. its GAY as. because i REALLY want to go out on dates with two other guys but this guy is like seriously trying to get me tied down with him. and really it kinda feels like im going through the motions that i did before jared left. like honestly i have soooo many flashbacks to how it was when we were together while im with this guy, mone. but its not the same because i dont like him the way i like jared.

ive been put in charge of maintenance of the portfolio that our office is managing. and i still havent gotten a pay rise. ive been here for 10 MONTHS PEOPLE. i THINK i deserve one already!

i did 3 hours of ballet last night. 3 hours of jumps pretty much. and a little bit of adage. but i've lost sooooooooo much strength its not funny. i really need to get back to the gym which i will when i get my car back lol. my calves are KILLING me right now lol.

anyways i better get onto work... i have HEAPS to do these days...

the one in the blue is the one im meeting up with tonight...

im not happy. so far everything's fucked up and going wrong in so many ways its not funny.

i was forced to eat today by my friend, after we finished bridesmaid shopping. and i gave every excuse under the sun and she still wanted me to eat. which pissed me off. so one curry chicken roll later (it was fist sized but it wasnt even spicy so it did jack all for my metabolism) im feeling fat, stupid and worthless.

then i went home and i decided i was going to start working on my dress for the ball.... which in my minds eye is beautiful and really isnt all that difficult to make. but i dont have a pattern. and for me thats all cool because i have dresses and tops at home and what i want is a mixture of all of them, and i've made things without patterns before too so thats not a drama. but then guess what? i cut the material and all the rest of it, but when i went to put it together, it didnt exactly work... like the dress is WAYYYY too tight around my hips now. lucky i only started with the lining not the real stuff. so im really annoyed. and i just cant be bothered. lol i just want the dress to materialise infront of me perfectly made.... but thats not going to happen. i think i might see if i can get a pattern now becaue im tooo pissed and impatient now to continue working without one. and i dont want to waste material... at least lining's cheap.

and now im going on a double date. with a guy that i re-met last night at the dance... and it was soooo awkward. i dunno how tonight's gonna go. im NEVER going to try and set someone up... its just WAY too awkward. especially since WE didnt plan it in the first place. and it was weird while stirling (my "date" for tonight) and i were TRYING to talk.... i was talking about dancing in general, but it was like he didnt want to talk about it?? it was weird. usually if you get two dancers together, then they dont shut up. lol. oh well we'll see if his cooking is any better than his conversation lol. hmmm i dunno maybe he was just shy? well i bought a top and a new knitted shrug for tonight anyways... and i was thinking i could wear the shrug when i go out on that date with matt too. its actually really elegant lol i like it!!!

AND i dont know if im supposed to be teaching rs tomorrow. which is another thing pissing me off... because i dont even know where we're up to in the lesson manual so its not like i can prepare just in case anyway. grrrrrrr.

honestly i just want to jump off a cliff right now. but i cant. i have to stay here till i see jared again.

the dance was ok last night. would've been better if i got to dance more than i did last night though... janet had some issues in her life (which i've already been through) and so she needed to talk... lol but i needed to dance some of my ass off.... so i was pretty torn lol. but i was there for her, but in the end i was like dude, lets talk about this tomorrow... theres good music playing LOL and besides we need something to talk about while the boys are making dinner.

so im only getting 10 challenge points today. i was supposed to be fasting up until dinner because that way i could save my cals for that... and i dont know what stirling's cooking or what hes putting in it so that was just to be safe, but now i had that food with my i know i'm going to be wayyyyy over 500.

oh yeah... AND my gym pass barcode-y thing snapped in two.

not happy jan.
lol (thats from a tv ad over here...)

^^ that bun looks like its been deepfried.

i dont know how people can actually eat that shit. the last one is snickers pancakes. which doesnt sound that bad but just LOOK at it. EW